The Death Wish Coffee Experiment

At some point in everyone’s life you wake in the morning after a night of a few too many brews and realize that you have been beaten with the liquor-stick.  You feel like a few more hours of sleep would do the trick, but you have to be at work in 30 minutes and have no choice but to tough this one out.  Luckily for all of you, we now have a solution, Death Wish Coffee.

Death Wish Coffee has a lore matched by few blends.  This coffee is a highly caffeinated dark roast organic coffee.  DWC has almost 200% the caffeine of normal coffee and still matches (if not exceeds) the flavor of most gourmet blends.  Not only is it guaranteed to be some of the strongest coffee available, but also contains many warnings indicating that this is “Serious Coffee”.

Death Wish Coffee Sample

Yesterday, Brewticular decided to use himself as a test subject in one of his revolutionary experiments.  Brewticular set out to test drive multiple new craft beers (including Victory’s Headwater Pale Ale), and then wake up this morning for work at 5:00 AM.  His plan to counteract the ensuing hangover was a freshly brewed pot of Death Wish Coffee.  If the experiment was to be a failure, it would make for a long shift out in the Florida sun.  If it was to be a success, Brewticular would feel as fresh as a bine.

Death Wish Coffee Grounds

Brewticular took notes throughout the morning and had some very interesting results:

5:00AM – Awoke with a throbbing head and the feeling that I was mauled by a Honey Badger

5:15AM – A quick shower helped but I do not believe I will make it through the day

5:34 AM – Poured a mug of coffee and out the door

5:50 AM – Arrived at work, this coffee is pretty good, but not far into the serving

6:03 AM – Feeling a lot better, humidity is high, but I am starting to feel normal again

6:12 AM – I feel great; this was the perfect fix to this hangover.  Should make it through the shift without a problem

6:30 AM – Finished my coffee, but starting to feel a little funny, lots of jitters. Going to let my assistant finish taking notes from here.

6:41 AM – Reports of hyperactivity and extremely fast reflexes.  Brewticular indicates he can feel every atom in his body moving

7:02 AM – Brewticular is able to out run Usain Bolt in the 100 Meter Dash, crushing the current World Record (9.58 sec) by 9.57 sec.  Establishing the new record at 0.01 sec!

7:13 AM – Brewticular has clearly established new super powers, vibrating through walls, hurdling over tall buildings, and out dancing NonStop.

As you can see from the experiment this is the best coffee ever.  Neither Death Wish Coffee nor can guarantee you will gain super powers, but you should probably try!

Note:  We have currently misplaced Brewticular and believe his new super powers have taken him to new countries or planets.  Any reports of sightings around the globe or universe should be reported to The Brew Sherpa ASAP.


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